


Alone in the Woods

by TotemPoles



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Crack, Crack Relationships, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Inanimate Object Porn, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-08 22:01:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4322355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotemPoles/pseuds/TotemPoles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was probably mayo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone in the Woods

**Author's Note:**

> This was written about 5 minutes for the guys over at the THAC forums.  
> I'm so sorry.

It was a sunny day. The birds were chirping, the mosquitoes were buzzing, and a man was getting off from his iPod.

Wait, rewind.

"Oh, what a BOOTIFUL day!" sighed a man in a hoodie as he skipped down the yellow brick road, iPod in hand and earbuds in... the holes that you listen with.

This man went by many names; man in the woods... actually he was only known as man in the woods.

The guy inhaled deeply and internally exhaled (however the hell that works). Ah, it was just him and his iPod.

Suddenly, he felt hot. Some pressure was building up in his pants.

BOING!

Welp. He was alone in the woods with his sexy iPod and a miniature model of Washington's monument in his pants.

He was alone. With his iPod.

The man grinned deviously and slid the poor device into his pants...

* * *

 

Jay Merrick was terrified.

Of course, the thought crossed his mind that it could have been some normal person in a hoodie taking a stroll through the woods but...

"Hey," the boy began, voice wavering in uncertainty.

No response.

He walked closer to the man. His hands seemed to be... near his groin. Eh, it was probably nothing.

"'Scuse me," he asked cautiously, slowly closing in on the man. "You okay?"

No response again.

He tapped the guy's shoulder.

"'Scuse me."

The guy turned around. He seemed normal. He had glasses, a hat-

 _"What a stupid hat."_ thought Jay the hat-wearing cameraman.

Anyway, he had glasses, a hat, and was slightly overweight. Everything seemed to be normal.

"May I help you?" asked the man as he held his iPod in his hand shakily.

Jay noticed a white substance on the electronic. His gaze dropped down to the guy's crotch quickly, then back up.

His fly was open.

"U-uh, n-no, sorry." he apologized quickly.

The boy backed away slowly before going into a full-sprint to his car.

What he found was anything but normal.

That guy spilled mayo on his damned Apple product.


End file.
